Nick produces … and pigs fly

By Courtney Carlo and Cyrus Moussavi 2007

What is that in the right corner of this page? Are we supporting a pork fetish? No. We’re vegetarians at this here page. This flying pigsy is a sign of the times, yo.

As editors of the Opinion page, we ahve had our fair share of crazy articles. You’ve read Karl’s Korners, just imagine what kid of things we’re not printing. If you though Zach Itzen’s Best Buy article bordered on slightly creepy, you would be blown away by the follow-up that force us to cry ourselves to sleep for for the next two weeks. It jst goes to show what kinds of epic material we have to sift through to bring
you this page every week. But through our year, there has been one article we have been searching for, like the journalistic holy grail. And finally, we have grasped it.

Indeed, the real reason this young porker is fluttering through the wind is our own New Editor/Coy Editor/Novelist Nick May. It has been a fact of life that Nick May would never turn in an article. We once threatened to cut off his arms. It was no use. Suddenly, for the last paper of the year, we have a huge empty space left on our page, and Nick starring at us with a vacant glint in his eye. Naturally, we put two and two together. We must force Nick to produce, we thought, WE MUST FORCE NICK TO PRODUCE!

The clouds opened up and Nick May said, “Ay, I will write you an article.” But this glorious cloud had a silver lining. I mean, what else can we have Nick write about? And suddenly, those clouds parted again and Nick May said, “Ay, I will write about pocket protectors.”

With teary eyes, the editors and anyone who happened to be passing by lined up to witness this monumental moment in journalistic history. Nick May’s first and final opinion article closes the book on another disturbing year of the Opinion page. We never thought Nick May would actually write about his esteemed pocket protectors, and we never thought this school year would be over.

And that is why there is that little pig is flying in the corner of our page. Also, that thing about the pork fetish, that’s kind of true as well.

See Nick’s story: Elusive editor protects his pockets