Stay out of Skidtown: Try on the ITEDs

By Courtney Carlo and Cyrus Moussavi 2005

Children, it’s an ugly time for our school. Some gnarly beast has been brought to our doors, and its name is No Child Left Behind, and when it rears its grizzled mane, carnage is sure to follow.

But this No Child left Behind is very different than your neighbor’s pets/children that you can control with a cattle-prod; this loathsome cannibal can only be put down with its totally lame archenemies: ITEDs.

And the ITEDs are the lesser of these two evils. It’s time to make a decision, kids; we can use those little fill-in dots to make whimsical patterns, or we can actually try (which is such a painful word when it comes to these tests).

It has been agreed, by students, staff and the hobo that lives in the tunnel under the school, that the ITEDs are a sinful threat to the survival of Cedar Falls High School, but the editors of this page, for one don’t want this to become a School in Need of Assistance — mainly because we don’t want to be shipped out to some backwards high school wedged between cornfields where the kids realized the threat and tried on the ITEDs, or have Cedar Falls High School be taken over by the state, making Tom Vilsack the new Algebra II B teacher.

It only takes a couple days of (admittedly excruciating) test taking to ensure that the previous grotesque scenario never becomes a reality. Even if it’s unfair and it isn’t our fault that we have to take these tests, it will be our fault if we don’t try and end up going to school in Skidtown.